I love writing. I love the swirl and swing of words as they tangle with human emotions. ~James Michener
Well I have done it, I have pushed the button so to speak and have submitted my novel. I was scared yesterday when I did it. I am still a bit apprehensive. I think to myself that I will not self publish again. I will wait and see with book number two if an agent will take it or even a publishers, or maybe again I will be consumed by haste and self publish . 10-15 days they said and then a copy of my novel should be with me.... and then what?! I wait for a publishing date and then it starts - the real hard work , once it is available on amazon and waterstones online etc. the work will begin when I have to market it and see if I can sell a few copies. A few copies, no.... I would like to sell 1000. It may be ambitious but as the saying goes if you think champagne you'll drink champagne! So I need creative ways to self promote, to market, to sell. My journey is by no way coming to an end, I'm only half way there!!!!
Easy reading is damn hard writing. ~Nathaniel Hawthorne
I am scared, really scared - you see the thing is my writing was different before I joined this writing group but now my writing has changed - even though I have only attended three sessions the comments they have made to myself and other budding authors are truthful and full of constructive criticism. The time of realising that my writing may not be completely up to scratch comes at the same time that I need to approve my manuscript. The long awaited self published book!!!
Am I scared because this is where I expose myself to the world? Allowing people to pass judgement on my creation - because I have put it out there. Should I have had patience? to have waited - worked on my novel for years to come until finally an agent or a publisher said 'Yes, this is going to sell'
Or am I scared because I know its not good enough? I don't know and the not knowing is the scary part. So here is my dilemma - The manuscript is ready to go all I need to do is make one phone call and then - like magic I should get a publishing date - which is what I have wanted isn't it?
The fear wont go - do all self publishers feel like this? Should I have waited - It took me two years to write mid changing jobs, careers, buying a house and planning a wedding- was I too impatient? does it all boil down to this thrisis I am having - the fear that life is passing me by and that I haven't achieved what I ought to have by now?
It is scary and I am scared but then something resounds in my head - That I could have sat on this manuscript for years and not tried - and that is the most important thing isn't it - to try - even if you fail - surely I will learn something from it (like patience perhaps)- I know I have learnt something from this whole experience and will definitely carry it on to my next novel (I am already 30,000 words in to it.)
And maybe, maybe when I am 80 I can hold up a copy of my first novel and smile knowing that I did it and someone somewhere has a copy of my book.